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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362777">Your Problem Now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/riacte/pseuds/riacte'>riacte</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MCC Hermits and Friends [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hermitcraft RPF, Minecraft (Video Game), Minecraft championship - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Gen, Humour, Innuendo, pogsupremacy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:27:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362777</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/riacte/pseuds/riacte</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>HBomb94 whispers to you: false what does ren mean when he says he watches doc’s videos while he’s “washing the body”</p><p>You whisper to HBomb94: exactly what he says</p><p>You whisper to HBomb94: ren’s your problem now :D</p><p>-</p><p>False and Ren split yet again in Minecraft Championship. Everyone assumes they team up because they're friends, but it's also because False is the only one who can restrain Ren's himbo energies. </p><p>Aka. False loses her mind for one MCC.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>RenDog &amp; Iskall85, Rendog &amp; Docm77, falsesymmetry &amp; rendog, rendog &amp; hbomb94</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MCC Hermits and Friends [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>139</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Your Problem Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Alright guys, False VS Ren Round 3. Except it's not sad. You might cry though, because of different reasons. </p><p>Lots of sexual innuendos here. I warned you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being in a MCC team without Ren felt… strange to say the least. False moodily stared into the distance. It didn’t feel <em>right </em>to not team up with Ren. False could feel a disturbance in the force, like the universe had subtly shifted. And she didn’t like it. </p><p>“You alright?” Her teammate Pete asked her.</p><p>False hummed. “Just a little… anxious,” she admitted.</p><p>“I get it, it must be hard fighting your friends,” Pete offered. “Especially someone who’s been with you from the very beginning.”</p><p>False sighed. “Thanks, Pete.” But False thought Pete could not truly understand her.</p><p>She glanced at Ren’s team, which consisted of Ren, Iskall, Doc, and H. They were all chatting and slapping each other jokingly, and False’s stomach twisted. Her dudebro friends… all on the same team…</p><p>MCC hadn’t even started yet, but False could already feel a sense of dread. Her communicator pinged, and she glanced down at it.</p><p>
  <em>HBomb94 whispers to you: false what does ren mean when he says he watches doc’s videos while he’s “washing the body”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You whisper to HBomb94: exactly what he says</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You whisper to HBomb94: ren’s your problem now :D</em>
</p><p>… H was surprisingly showing some restraint. False doubted it would last long. After all, Ren was teaming up with all the guys he simped for.  </p><p>H looked up at False, his expression a mix between fear, horror, and unadulterated excitement.</p><p>
  <em>HBomb94 whispers to you: UHH REN SAYS HE LIKES TO STRIP?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You whisper to HBomb94: strip logs</em>
</p><p>
  <em>HBomb94 whispers to you: oh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>HBomb94 whispers to you: HE SAID HE HAS A DONG IN HIS THROAT?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You whisper to HBomb94: sometimes ren’s just like that</em>
</p><p>“False, what are you laughing at?” Pete asked curiously. Just then, both of their communicators beeped.</p><p>&lt;HBomb94&gt; alright so you know it when a non hermit teams up with three hermits</p><p>&lt;fruitberries&gt; yeah?</p><p>&lt;PearlescentMoon&gt; reporting here!</p><p>&lt;fWhip&gt; Hi</p><p>&lt;HBomb94&gt; yeah</p><p>&lt;HBomb94&gt; I’m experiencing that, but somehow… it’s not what I expected</p><p>&lt;HBomb94&gt; False I see you laughing</p><p>&lt;falsesymmetry&gt; you’re seeing a side of hermitcraft that we want to hide</p><p>&lt;Docm77&gt; hide??</p><p>&lt;iskall85&gt; bro </p><p>&lt;falsesymmetry&gt; …</p><p>&lt;falsesymmetry&gt; boys, please behave</p><p>&lt;Docm77&gt; falsie you’re not on our team, you can’t control us</p><p>&lt;falsesymmetry&gt; that’s exactly why im worried</p><p>A few minutes later, False received another DM from H.</p><p>
  <em>HBomb94 whispers to you: is this normal for Ren?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You whisper to HBomb94: you found ren with iskall and doc. he’s in his natural habitat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>HBomb94 whispers to you: Okay, cool :D</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You whisper to HBomb94: I… don’t like the sound of that :P</em>
</p><p>H did not reply to her. But judging from how the Scarlet Simps laughed and whooped together, H had been totally integrated into the mildly inappropriate trio.</p><p>“Oh, no,” False whispered to herself. That was the first of the many “oh no”s she would utter.</p>
<hr/><p>During intermission, False’s suspicions were confirmed— H had somehow become Doc’s maid. </p><p>False didn’t want to know how it happened. She didn’t want to go anywhere near the Scarlet Simps even with a ten foot pole, and it didn’t help that she lived in the same world as three of them. </p>
<hr/><p>The last game was Survival Games. False supposed the stans finally got what they wanted. But Survival Games had a twist this time— all teams had to work with another team, and the map would randomly spit out potions, both harmful and beneficial. To help players with that, cows would be spread out around the map so players could milk them. Pete and False’s team comfortably sat in first place, and they were randomly paired with the Scarlet Simps. Scarlet Simps were currently in third, 300 coins behind second. </p><p>“Oh look!” Pete exclaimed, delighted he could team up with more hermits. “These are all your friends! Isn’t this great?”</p><p>“Oh no.” False had a terrible feeling.</p><p>“Hiii Falsie!” Doc drawled, sounding drunk.</p><p>“Wassssa,” Iskall said, sounding similarly drunk. </p><p>“UwU False, nice seeing you here! Did you miss us?”</p><p>False started inching towards Pete. “Uhh, hi, boiz,” she laughed nervously. “Uh, remember that this is a family friendly stream?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” all four of them said breezily, and False instantly knew they didn’t care.</p><p>“False, carry us to the finals!” H whooped.</p><p>“Why should I help you? We’re not on the same team.”</p><p>“Yeah, but we’re friends… aren’t we?” Ren was staring at her with those puppy eyes, which never worked on False. </p><p>“Not if you keep up that… <em>action</em>,” False muttered. “I WILL disown you guys.”</p><p>They quickly discussed tactics, mostly going with Blue Bats’ strategy in MCC9. False took a glance at her seven teammates, and realized that she wasn’t just the only female, she was also the only one with a braincell. <em>Oh no. </em></p><p>Funny how they were playing Survival Games. False felt like she <em>wasn’t </em>going to survive in more ways than one. </p><p>“LET’S GO BOIZ!! And False,” H cheered.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” False was uncharacteristically unenthusiastic.</p><p>Once the game began, the eight darted away from the center to loot chests, placing items they needed in their sacks. </p><p>“My sack’s feeling heavy from all the potatoes and pies I’m carrying,” Ren admitted. </p><p>“At least you’re not carrying <em>iron </em>in your sack,” Iskall replied. </p><p>Well, that was somehow tamer than False had thought. She doubted this period of relative peace would last long. </p><p>“Hey Ren, you got any armour?” Doc asked.</p><p>“Wait! I’m digging through my sack right now.” False saw Ren toss Doc some iron leggings. “Ohh Doc, you looked better in leather.”</p><p>False internally groaned. Her worst fear. It was beginning. </p><p>“Hey, I found a corpse here! I’m looking through her bits for some arrows,” Ren announced.</p><p>“Keep it up,” False replied in a strained voice. </p><p>“Oooh, this enchantment added Fire Aspect to the tips of my sword! Hmama’s on fire!”</p><p>“You’re so hot, Hmama!” Ren gushed. False’s ears were bleeding. She wished she never learnt the English language. </p><p>A few minutes later, Ren exclaimed delightedly, “Ohh! I killed someone!” </p><p>“Good boy,” Doc, Iskall and H replied in unison. Ren’s wolf tail wagged. False’s eye twitched. </p><p>“I wish we were on different teams,” False groaned, “so I can kill all of you.”</p><p>A pause. “OwO, don’t be mad!” H protested in a fake sad voice. </p><p>“We’re all trying our <em>hardest </em>here!” Ren continued with a Cheshire Cat grin.</p><p>False swung her sword at Ren without hesitation. It <em>bonked </em>on his head, but because they were allies, it didn’t deal any damage. “Ren. <em>No</em>.”</p><p>“Ren, she’s calling you a bad boy.”</p><p>“H, that’s not what I said—“</p><p>Pete shot False a look, which screamed “<em>what the actual <strong>fuck</strong>”.</em></p><p>“I’m so sorry you had to find out about us hermits this way,” False told him frankly. </p><p>“Oooh, cows! Cow, I’mma milk you dry,” Ren exclaimed passionately. “Rendog’s coming, baby!”</p><p>“Can you <em>please</em> not word it like that…”</p><p>“C’mon, Ren’s just excited.”</p><p>Mentally drained, False stumbled behind the four. Next to her, Pete grabbed her arm, concerned yet amused. </p><p>“Thanks for that,” he whispered. “I don’t think I can… stop them.”</p><p>False rolled her eyes. “Those four together are <em>unstoppable. </em>Even I can’t do anything.”</p><p>“Argh! I got hit by a withering pot!”</p><p>“Drink some of my tasty milk, Iskall.”</p><p>False wanted to drown herself in said milk and die, but no doubt it would sound like an innuendo if she said it out loud. </p><p>“Wait guys, big brain moment,” Pete said, panting. “The pistons on the floor move to reveal potion dispensers, right? But… you can’t do that in water since the water’s quite deep this map. Maybe we should go there and get survival points?”</p><p>“Ohhh, smart move.” False was glad at least <em>someone </em>could think rationally. </p><p>They waded into the water, making their way towards a small island so they could snipe other participants. False hoped they wouldn’t make any “wet” jokes—</p><p>“Look at us. We’re a couple of sea men,” H said. “And False,” he hastily added. “Sea men and sea woman.”</p><p>False made a face but remained silent, mostly because she wanted to conserve her energy. </p><p>Once they made it to the island, Ren flopped against a tree. “My body hurts!” he moaned. “Rub me, Iskall!”</p><p>False was done. She repeatedly slammed her head on the tree. </p><p>“False, don’t do that, it’s not good for you,” Pete automatically told her.</p><p>The slamming stopped. It was at times like this that False really missed having Cub by her side. He was the only MCC hermit with a braincell. As if on cue, a message popped up.</p><p>
  <em>cubfan135 whispers to you: I’m dead now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>cubfan135 whispers to you: wishing you luck!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>cubfan135 whispers to you: this is quite the situation you’re in</em>
</p><p>
  <em>cubfan135 whispers to you: it must be… hard for you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>cubfan135 whispers to you: :D</em>
</p><p>If False lacked a little more self control, she would’ve thrown her communicator at Ren’s head (yes, she was blaming him). Defeated, she slumped against the tree. </p><p>“Hey Falsie, have a pie.” Ren took out a pumpkin pie from his sack. “I kept it warm!”</p><p><em>… Great. </em>Now even <em>that </em>sounded wrong. False would’ve thrown the pie away if she wasn’t so hungry. </p><p>“Iskall, have a pie too!”</p><p>“Spank you, spank you very much!” Iskall replied cheekily, imitating Keralis’ accent. </p><p>“I hate you guys,” False announced. “All of you suck. Honestly.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t know if I can <em>suck</em>—”</p><p>False spun and whacked Doc in the head, who laughed. “Okay, okay, chill, Falsie!”</p><p>“Don’t hurt Master!” H cried out. “Touch him or pwewish!” </p><p>“I would very much like to “pwewish”,” False got out through gritted teeth. “I can deal with you four individually, and even in pairs, but now all four of you himbos? I’m done. Where’s Fruit? I miss how chill he is.”</p><p>H swallowed. “False, have you ever checked Fruit’s alternate Twitter—”</p><p>False held out a hand. “I have NOT and I WILL NOT be checking it,” she burst out, her mind in a whirl. Not even Fruit was immune. Oh, goodness. False was truly alone. </p><p>“Hey, guys! 30 out of 40 participants have been eliminated!”</p><p>“Oooh! That’s huge!”</p><p>False sighed, utterly exhausted. “Don’t say it—“</p><p>“<em>That’s what she said!</em>” The Scarlet Simps sung cheerfully. </p><p>“That’s what idiots say before they die a painful death.”</p><p>“Let’s get back to shore and do a bit of cleaning up,” Pete suggested. </p><p>“Thank you, Pete, for being the only thing keeping us going,” False muttered, standing up on wobbly feet. Once they returned to land, they went after other teams with fire in their veins. More innuendos were probably made, but False was too tired to process them all.  </p><p>“Dammit!” Doc was trying to hit someone. “I can’t stab him with my sword! Come on, man!”</p><p>“UwU master, do you have problems getting your stick in?”</p><p>False nearly said “I would like to be impaled with a stick too” but realized how <em>wrong </em>that sounded. Oh, <em>no</em>. She was being converted by Ren’s himbo energies. She had become the very thing she despised. False wanted to go back to her tower on Hermitcraft and knock herself out. </p><p>Doc managed to kill that someone, and False learned the news from Ren, who screamed, “HOLD ME DADDY! HAVE MAH PUPPIES!” At that point, nobody found that horrifying, which was frankly the most horrifying part. </p><p>The round concluded with False’s team and the Simps winning. The Scarlet Simps would get in Dodgebolt. False pinched the bridge of her nose. A part of her was happy her friends might be able to win, but for the most part, she just wanted MCC to be over.</p><p>“I can’t wait to kill you all so you can <em>shut up for once.</em>”</p><p>“Gladly! But don’t be so <em>hard</em> on us, though!”</p><p>False nearly strangled Doc right there, on the spot. </p>
<hr/><p>False got her second ace in Dodgebolt. The instant the first round of Dodgebolt started, False snatched the arrow and shot Ren with zero hesitation. A hot shiver of satisfaction ran through her (again, she wouldn’t say that out loud, since it would somehow be seen as an innuendo again). </p><p>“FALSIEE!! Be gentle with us!” H pleaded, blue eyes wide.</p><p>False replied with yet another shot. H disappeared in a flurry of red sparkles. Powered by her omega exasperation, she quickly eliminated Doc and Iskall as well. </p><p>Pete was screaming. “I BELIEVE IN FALSE SUPREMACY! You’re so good at this!’</p><p>“I’m just mad,” False told him. “And I want them to <em>stop.</em>”</p>
<hr/><p>During their third round, Ren was annoyingly good at dodging False’s arrows. He was so good that he ended up being the only Red team member left. It was a 1v1, Ren versus False. False had both arrows, but she wasn’t sure if she was sane enough to shoot.</p><p>“Falsie! You got this!”</p><p>False spun to see Cub supporting her on the sidelines with a sympathetic smile. Next to him, Grian was rolling on the floor and in hysterics. </p><p>“Cub. Lend me your power. I can’t do this,” she sobbed. “Why won’t he die already?!”</p><p>“Very well. You now have the power of the Vex <em>and </em>pure frustration on your side.”</p><p>False inhaled. She was vaguely reminded of the MCC9 Green Guardians player who had looked towards his friends for encouragement during a similar situation. Back then, he had done a 180 spin and shot H. False sorely wanted to imitate that. </p><p>“Come on! Take him out!” Cub cheered.</p><p>(Due to False’s deranged state of mind, she realized Cub’s sentence had multiple meanings. False did <strong><em>not </em></strong>want to think about that.)</p><p>False’s hand twitched. “BYE, REN!” she hollered. She jumped, pulled the bowstring, and managed to hit Ren in the head (hopefully she could knock some sense into him). The crowd roared, excited. </p><p>“Good riddance!” she yelled at Ren as all her friends laughed. “See you never!”</p>
<hr/><p>This cursed MCC was finally over. False strode over to Ren and grabbed his collar. </p><p>“Listen, I would say I never want to team with you again, but in reality, I <em>have </em>to team up with you in every MCC,” she growled. “Because I’m the only one who can restrain your himbo impulses!”</p><p>Pete wiped his forehead. “Thank you for your silent services.”</p><p>“I want to retire,” False moaned. “But I can’t leave Ren alone! He’s going to destroy everything.”</p><p>“Wow, geez, I’m so <em>flattered,</em>” Ren muttered, but they could all see the gigantic grin on his face.</p><p>The MCC participants chatted a bit more, but soon it was time for the hermits to return to Hermitcraft. They all seemed to have calmed down a little, thank goodness.</p><p>“Hey, Falsie? Can I ask you something about Hermitcraft?” Ren asked innocently.</p><p>“Yeah.” False did <em>not </em>know why she agreed. She had lost every last bit of her sanity. </p><p>“Can you help me dig out my big hole? Since I know you have quite the big hole yourself—”</p><p>Ren quieted down upon seeing False’s face go dark. He started to move away. False’s hand was already on her sword, and she chuckled ominously. </p><p>
  <em>“So you’ve chosen that as your last words, huh?”</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>... So yeah. This is now the most cursed fic I wrote. Inspiration from: "rendog being mildly innappropriate for 5 minutes straight" (https://youtu.be/LqpKF94FnKA) and "I became Fundy's maid..." (https://youtu.be/mioyqWv_R3E). Also misc screenshots of Ren being a horny furry and simping for Doc in his Twitch chat. ("But he's in your bed, I'm in your Twitch chat" anyone?).</p><p>Help. I need sleep. Save Falsie. I had to summon my inner Ren to make these jokes.</p><p>That being said, I hate how a Ren/Iskall/Doc/H team is actually plausible. Three of them are Vault Hunters, while Doc has expressed his desire to join in S2. Rip Falsie. But then again, I'm pretty sure Ren and False won't split. If they do, well. I wrote like 10k words of them facing each other in Dodgebolt, so I am kind of prepared.</p><p>(JK IF THEY FACE EACH OTHER IN DODGEBOLT I'LL CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP)</p><p>Yell at me @riacte. I'm sorry that you read this.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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